Portugal Trip
We went to Portugal in September. I was excited super excited for this because Jon has really been wanting to take this wooden surfboard making workshop for years. I've been nudging him in the direction of just doing it because he really can find every excuse under the sun to not do something for himself. However, I knew this meant I would be roaming Nazare alone for a few days. I was actually a little uneasy about it but also kind of excited to see what this experience would hold.
The night before I had a major panic attack that lasted hours. It was about 11-12 at night and we were trying to finish packing and get to bed because we had to leave early in the morning. We got to bed and I voiced that I felt funny, almost like foggy headed or disconnected like I was looking around the room and feeling there but not there. All the sudden, my ear started ringing and my heart started racing and I had waves of feeling unable to breathe, getting super hot and sweaty, feeling like I was going to pass out, puke and needing to use the restroom like all at the same time. Then I would lay there feeling like I was ok for a minute get really cold and just start shaking really hard, I call them chihuahua shakes. This came and went in waves for a good couple hours. I wasn't sure what the heck was happening to me so it was a bit unnerving but I was finally able to get a couple hours of sleep. I figured my body was just bent at me for being up so late, the last couple nights, not treating it well with drink and food choices, and then trying to do so much on fumes basically.
The next morning I felt ok but was trying to take it easy as much as possible. My mom actually suggested I take my "heart" medication with me which really is panic meds if you read the label. After our flight being canceled and us sitting at LAX all day we finally were able to board a plane to Paris around 6PM. During this time I realized how I'm glad that I get to do even uncomfortable things with Jonathan because even when stuff isn't going as we planned, we seem to be able to be good to each other and find a way to make the best of it. I really appreciate that about him. Anyway, we get on the plane for about a 10 hour plane ride and roughly 2 hours in...the panic started to set in again. I looked over at Jon and I think he asked if I was ok because I was trying to control my breath and be ok but was quickly finding out I was definitely not ok. So there we went again with the hot flashes, racing heart (I think he said it was over 100 bpm), clamy skin, ears ringing, unable to breathe, whole shebang on an airplane that was packed and not landing for a long time. I remembered I had those meds and popped one as soon as I remembered because psyching myself out by thinking how embarrassing it was going to be to have someone see and freak out and maybe have the plane land would be wasn't exactly helping.
We got to our room in Nazare, Portugal late Thursday night Portugal time (Thursday afternoon Ventura time). After basically traveling for over 24 hours we were glad to just get settled finally and try to rest. His first workshop day was the next day and he had to be there by 8am so hitting the sack it was!
This first day was full of unknowns, excitement, and patience for the both of us for sure! I think all this definitely brought awareness to my persistence, my anxiousness around not upsetting others (even if its something uncontrollable), and my willingness to be flexible but I was going to be really bummed if he had to miss this. I'm glad we made it!
